Itâs 9pm, Sunday, April 3, 2016 and Iâm being pulled apart, literally!
Iâm a young mother, 34, and my little boy Aarav, 11 months, is cradled in my right arm needing to be bottle fed, and my other little boy, Arjun, almost 3, is pulling me towards the potty needing to be wiped. At the same time, my doorbell is urgently beckoning me to open the door for a delivery of Diapers. I feel helpless, overwhelmed, frustrated, trapped, and inadequate. Even deeper, I feel guilty for feeling all the feels. I thought, âIf youâre a good mom, you shouldnât feel this way, right?â So why do I feel guilty that a part of me is missing my life before I became a mom?
I graduated from Carnegie Mellon (where I met my husband), and post-college I worked in NYC for a couple of multinational corporations in marketing research and brand management. Life had its stressors, but Iâd practice yoga to return to peace. I loved my life. It was all on my time. I could dine out as often as I wished at PeaceFoods on 16th! Importantly, I could practice for a full ninety uninterrupted minutes, whenever it suited me!
Life felt perfect, untilâ¦
One day I realized there was no room in my life for starting a family, which my husband and I wanted.
So I quit. I just quit.
Envisioning a âbalanced and flexibleâ work arrangement (honestly, no pun intended) that gave me room for babies, I took up Yoga teacher training. Soon thereafter came the birth of my beautiful sons, Aarav and Arjun!
And with them came an entirely new lifestyle! One of often being literally pulled apart by both boys needing me at the same time! And torn apart by my difficult and guilty feelings. I wanted âmeâ time. But I felt selfish. Still I know itâs what I needed to be my best self for me AND for them. The problem was I didnât know how to claim that precious time.
And then one day, at my wits end, I did the one thing I knew well – I took a step forward into a warrior and began to reshape my yoga program to fit my mom lifestyle.
I practiced with the intention to create a sense of calm for my body and mind.
I practiced with with more grace, ease, flow, and breath.
I gave myself more time in Savasana and Yoga Nidra (and some days that was my entire practice), because who doesnât want to sneak in a yogic nap?
I practiced (mostly) at home, after I dropped off the kids to school.
And I practiced with them, on the weekends, to share with them the practice I love. I swear I learned to focus better with small children running circles around me and jumping on my back.
I wished I could get some parenting advice from experts so I could navigate this thing called motherhood with a little more light, knowledge, preparation, and support. So I attended workshops and sought to get advice from those with more experience.
Along the Journey
I made some great mom friends. Sisters, really. Collectively, we shared a vision of raising a brighter future for our kids. And I found how important community was for me. I get you mama, because we are in this parenting journey together. We are not alone.
Letâs practice on the yoga mat. And even if we donât live in the same neighborhood, or even the same time zone, you can still see me. And I can still see you! We can practice together, livestream, online.
And letâs have conversations- the important, the informative, and the entertaining, all together. Over coffee. Or wine. Or green juice. Or water. Because, perhaps, you are where I once was, being pulled apart in a metaphorical warrior 2 position, seeking your zen and your tribe